There are many friendships that are hard to build. It’s hard to make sense of why often, there are unemployed graduates, or holidaying students, who are less flexible with when they are able to meet up than myself, or another full time worker. With others, you work very hard at conversation but never seem to get far, or you spin in circles around the same topics but never grow a deeper understanding of one another. Still other friendships, just feel incredibly one sided. But for one reason or the other, you are obliged to keep at it. It does become exhausting.
Then, there are others with whom you could talk about anything, and yet are obliged to not say too much or speak too often. You have a mutual concern, but try to care less, or at least in a way that is less apparent. You share a special connection to each other’s inner worlds, but sometimes greet each other by as acquaintances would. It’s not like one lives on the other side of the world from the other, but each time you say goodbye, you don’t know how long it would be before you will have anything to do with each other again. You would be close friends, but for one reason or another, you can’t, or won’t, or they won’t, have that happen. Friendship comes so naturally that it is tiring not to let it grow.
Like an introvert would, I spend much time pondering and making sense of where I am and where I will be. This though, constantly stumps me. Often, I feel that I would cry, if I had tears to cry. I would sing , if I could find lyrics with a close enough story. I would talk about it, if I could find formed thoughts, or words, to articulate. I would act, if I knew what was to be done about it. I don’t even understand myself and this is a most unusual and frustrating experience. How long, oh God.
I still think though, it was a special privilege to have met someone like you. Who would have known how bittersweet, this. Would. Taste.