I don’t

I don’t have the faith to have solid and unwavering hope.

I don’t have the love to be a willing and cheerful carer.

I don’t have the joy to be of good company.

I don’t have the patience to wait patiently as a patient.

I don’t have the selflessness to not mind the disruptions to my career.

I don’t have the maturity to not compare my life with others.

I don’t have the concentration to do normal things.

I don’t have the insight to know what I’m feeling (apart from apathy).

And all those things I hate adds unhappiness upon unhappiness.

“Oh, that I were as in the months of old, as in the days when God watched over me, when his lamp shone upon my head, and by his light I walked through darkness, as I was in my prime, when the friendship of God was upon my tent, when the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were all around me, when my steps were washed with butter, and the rock poured out for me streams of oil!”‭‭ – Job‬ ‭29:2-6‬

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