Big days and expectations

From time to time I consider the question to be a genuine one, so instead of being as closed as a clam I try to give an honest answer. I regret it soon enough, when the person starts squirming in an uncomfortable silence. Okay, I too expected something more in exchange for this cancer. Certainly you get some valuable insights about life when facing morbidity and mortality as a doctor. Surely something good has come out of this too? Sorry, there’s just nothing profound to speak of.

Mother’s Day was a big day of sorts. The thought that escaped my young sister’s mind but was on everyone else’s – will there be another one? So we spent a little more effort with the presents, card, going to church and sharing a meal together. And it was nice, but ordinary. Ordinary not unlike most ordinary days, where life revolves around the next meal, what to eat or not to eat according to Chinese medicine (or quackery), petty disagreements. We talk, we pray, but often there is more time spent scrolling through devices and on screens than meaningful conversation.

Today is also going to be a big day of sorts. So they say. As a patient, there are awfully big expectations that comes with each appointment, each test, result, treatment and discussion. But I doubt any of these will do away with the uncertainty, of prognosis, of where we’ll be and what we’ll be doing in the months to come. That’s my pessimistic take but mum says what is life without hope. I smile wryly and make some remark about hope beyond cure.

The day I…
When I…
If only I…

We seem to eagerly await many such big days in life. In vain. Some aren’t what you anticipate them to be and others don’t eventuate at all.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” – Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ 



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