The things they say

She knows everything

There was a seven year old girl who had been at the hospital for literally months. She had no escort with her most of the time because according to her, they were big drinkers. So she roamed the ward, knowing the ins and outs of everything that was happening.

She had rheumatic heart disease with severe inflammation of the heart and valves. Like the numerous other “heart kids”, she was supposed to be doing bed rest. Seeing her run around the ward, we asked her whether she was supposed to be resting and she answered playfully, “no, I’m a lung kid!” Ha, smart answer. That particular week our inpatient population consisted also of many kids who came for investigation or management of bronchiectasis – they were not only allowed, but encouraged to be active.

Another time, she “told on” a mother who absconded with her baby. They were in a bed on the other side of the ward so who knows how she knew to tell the nurse that they were “running away”. The child and mother had to be brought back in by police to complete treatment.

Still another time I saw her answer the buzzer for the door. She did a word for word imitation of the ward clerk who was on her lunch break – “pull the handle and close the door behind you!”

Insights into sin

In youth group we were talking about the issue of sin, and sharing about how it might be attractive, or addictive. We have a large age range, from early teens to late twenties. It’s a quiet group. But our thirteen year old boy spoke up and said he remembered reading something in the Bible about eating something sweet that tasted like gravel. What an unusual but apt verse to refer to about sin!

Food gained by fraud tastes sweet, but one ends up with a mouth full of gravel. – Proverbs 20:17

There’s more. “Sin, well it’s like people who take drugs. It releases endorphins so that you feel good. But you become tolerant to it. And next time you need more of the drug to have more endorphins.” I can’t remember his exact wording but he literally used the word endorphins and the idea of building tolerance and spiralling deeper into sin.

Who moved the stone

At home my sister (who is in primary school) and I talk about a lot of things, so the next few will all be snippets of conversations with her. One of the books I’m reading is “Who Moved the Stone?” which goes into the historic background and happenings leading up to the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus.

So my sister saw the book on my desk and said rather smugly, “I know who moved the stone.”
“Who?” she talked in a way that I had to ask, ha.
“The angel did it.”

Oh, he did too. So far I had read about events in the hours prior to his arrest. About the reaction of the disciples, Pilate, the Jewish leaders, and more. I think I even got to the part where the body was discovered to be missing by the women and the various thoughts different groups had on who stole the body away. But in the complexity of the text, I realised I hadn’t even thought about the question posed by the title, or the simple answer to that, until she said it.

Types of cancer

We have this game of “tell a story” where we tell a terribly mundane story about our day, or a story from the past, usually over dinner. For her it’s usually something like, I was doing homework and I almost fell asleep. Anyway, I told her about a girl around her age who has been sadly diagnosed with aggressive bone cancer, who wasn’t allowed to walk on her leg now, and was preparing to move to a big city for further treatment.

“Do you know what cancer is?”
“Yes, there’s brain cancer right? And she has bone cancer?”
“Mmhmm.”
“And there’s throat cancer? And boo…b cancer?”
“What?!” that sounded so weird.
“What, it’s true. I think it’s real right?” she was indignant, she knew she was right.
“Yeah, but I think it’s called breast cancer darling.”
“Oh yeah…”

Men and dishes

In the kitchen one day we were deciding who was going to chop spring onions and who was going to do the dishes. She told me emphatically that she hated washing up.

“Well, you know someone has to do it, especially when you grow up. Some married people fight about this sort of thing all the time. They say, I don’t want to do it. You do it.”
“Really…?” she asked, with disbelief. How could they be so childish.
“No, maybe they don’t say that. They just don’t do it. That’s why I don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t like housework.”
“I don’t think any men likes dishes.”
“Uh, really…” and how did you know what all men are like anyway?
“I don’t know. Don’t ask me, I’m not an expert about this.” haha, so funny!

Being social

One of my friends was briefly in town last week and I was reminded of what I missed in a good conversation. Reminded too, of some of these friends that I had moved away from. That you don’t necessarily have to talk about personal things, but you could if you wanted to. That you can share your beliefs and opinions, even if they differ. That you’ve been friends long enough that most stories are a continuation of the ones you’ve heard already. That they’re patient enough to listen to you tell the same stories too.

Another friend who plans to move next year for work lamented,  “I like socialising, but not with people I don’t know well!” I laughed and asked how she was planning to know people well without socialising. But I agree and feel completely the same way. Sometimes, when I agree to go along to gatherings and outings (or even organise them myself) of people I don’t know well, I wonder what I am doing there. On the one hand, group gatherings are a low stress way to get to know people a little, because hanging out one to one is kind of intense. But on the other hand, I rarely feel like I get very far with actually getting to know people. We talk about all sorts of things, but in a superficial way. When something personal does come up, either for yourself or for someone else, it’s hard to know how to respond. I think it’s exhausting and deeply unsatisfying, being with people and not actually connecting with them.

In church circles in particular, it’s remarkable that God is part of the conversation during the set time of fellowship, of discussion and prayer. But outside those set hours of the week, the frequency in which we acknowledge God or our faith, or talk about our doubts and questions related to Christianity, happens not more often than it does with non-Christians. Or perhaps even less. Not that I’m condemning others – I myself rarely bring up matters of faith with other Christians in a social setting. But why?

Not that it happens all the time, but at least, sitting with my sort of Hindu friend at the temple, we discussed something about who we thought Jesus was. At least my atheist friends love to give their views on evolution and creation. At least my gay friend coming out meant that our mutual friends really questioned me on what my views are on the matter. At least my agnostic cousin and I talked about our different ideas about what comes after death. Is it that as Christians we assume we believe in the same things anyway? Or perhaps that we don’t want others to know about the things we don’t comprehend, the things that we struggle with in faith?

So for me, often socialising in a group feels pointless. Not that it is – I guess there are always opportunities to include, to show love and care to others. Oh well, here’s the conclusions of my midnight ponderings. Firstly, friendships take a long time to happen. Secondly, I’m not very good at probing tactfully but not creepily and neither do I volunteer much thoughts and feelings unless I’m asked. Thirdly, perhaps being purposeful and intentional about my social commitments might help it be more meaningful, even if being social is tiring in itself.

Then and now

(Named so since “growing up” is already the title of a previous post!)

On peers
We talk less about the here and now, as we did as students, and more and more on the topic of future plans. On the other hand, we have a long way before reaching the stage in life where there is a rich past to speak of. Friends come to a weekday dinner in their classy work wear, driving brand new cars, probably deceiving patients (and society) that they are quite grown up, ha! As we go our separate paths with specialisation and training pathways, I ponder too how our friendships will change as we leave the world we shared together as students, and as new graduates being churned through similar rotations.

Brunch-ing with a group of girls from my youth fellowship, I’m surprised at the similarities in each of their plans and timeframes on moving to the next stage in their relationships. At the same time, hearing of other pairs parting ways with the changes brought by graduation and the practicalities of needing to move to separate places for work. Then at church, the strangeness of seeing young ones, obviously employed now, walking in with suits and ties. Of peers leading the congregation at church and starting to deliver sermons.

On thanksgiving
Sharing a simple meal with old friends again, I thank God again for the love and hospitality I received as a student, and the inspiration that is to me to do likewise. This time, the pastor’s son happened to be visiting with his wife, and the two shared about their work with the medical ship that delivers care and supplies to rural areas of PNG. As we talked I remembered the many stories and conversations from the past over the same dining table, or over a hot cup of tea. The elderly lady whom I bought a recipe book from, which she compiled from the locals in the various countries she lived in, in her work with a Bible translation organisation. Recently widowed, she grieved but was determined to continue the cross culture training work she first started with her husband decades ago. The former head of the same organisation and his wife, who were memorable for knack for telling stories and bring people together. I remember too, playing “Where’s Wally” with the youngest child of a missionary family on a break from their work in the Middle East. They spoke of the interesting dialogues they had with Muslim neighbours on the stories of Jesus. And many others!

On travels
Travelling with my cousin who isn’t very young at all, I felt ever so old! Waking up every day at a similar time to any weekday, and feeling disappointed that there was still ages to go before the alarm clock, set for a lazy sleep in, was to go off. Then, for the first time ever, trying to enter a grocery store before realising that it wasn’t open because it was too early in the morning. Getting back, hours later, still having to throw a pillow across the room to wake up sleepy head. Perhaps it was just a transient role reversal.

Going out and wanting not so much to fit in as many activities, shopping, food adventures as possible, and instead favouring the idea of scenic walks, or sitting in a park on a cold sunny day, with my favourite beverage on hand, and something good to read. Not too long back, I would have considered such inactivity an incredibly boring way to spend a day out. Anyway, how is it that students (probably myself included) assume that once you have a job you could spend whatever you like, whenever you like?

On work
Seeing old places of terror, I marvel at how time replaces dread with neutrality and even a touch of affection. Well, bad things are always bad (or else no pay would be required for your time) but become a little less intolerable, or rather, a little more tolerable. Being older seems to come with increasing responsibilities which you fulfil at work, at home, in social situations, whether you feel up to it or not. Prioritising “me-time” over attending class, or being sad and not going to rounds isn’t really an option anymore. I knew that last year, but now I also think that maybe it’s not such a bad thing to be forced to deal with the garden-variety unhappiness of life in a more grown up way. Sometimes, plodding on with the usual is all you can do to deal with really tricky issues too.

Fellowship

Several years ago now, I was doing a one year research project overseas. And at the time, I was part of a vibrant medical student fellowship. Though many of us no longer keep in contact now, I will always remember that group with fondness. Getting to know the students in the years above, I saw their struggles and triumphs in working out their faith in daily life – that in turn, did much to prepare me to prepare mentally and in prayer for the transition into clinical years, and my interactions with “real patients”.

When I did return from overseas and commenced clinical school, I looked for a local medical fellowship, but there were none in this town. I longed for it, prayed for it, and my church prayed too. But that semester I knew only one other Christian in the medical circles and she was often busy with her own church. Plus, I had neither led a group nor ever attempted to gather people to form one. I thought much about it, but was too shy or unsure to know where to go from there. Months later, I met several Christian medical students and interns, all in a short span of a time. One who was visiting my church, and who had two others as his housemates. One whom I happened to sit next to, on the way back from city one weekend. And more. So by and by, we met – medical students studying at three separate universities, interns and occasionally other hospital staff too.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. – Acts 2:42

Now, I am back in the town I loved, to this medical fellowship, which echoes a little, of the above verses in Acts.

To see this group go from a once or twice monthly fellowship, to a weekly fellowship with a meal shared beforehand. To see it remain and grow. To see new faces come and go. To see half of the members remain, now with their spouses so that there are more married or engaged couples than single individuals. To see the hospitality of those welcoming us to their homes. To see each person taking a turn to lead, and others actively participate in discussions on a difficult book in the scriptures. To see medical and other health science students and staff share about hospital life, encourage, and pray for one another. To see all this each time I come back, is a very special encouragement indeed!

I was (am still but a bit less so) uncomfortable with organising anything, leading Bible study, or even speaking out in a group. But God still brought this group together, brought others into the group who could do the things that I was too afraid to do. I’m reminded that we do his work, and he gives sufficient grace. In this, I always take encouragement in Moses too, who pleaded with God to send someone else to take the Israelites out of Egypt because he was not an eloquent speaker!